What's More Important?

I've been there . . . recently. I have inhabited the land of "I'm right and you're wrong." In fact, I think I was temporarily named queen there. I sat on my royal throne and looked down from on high at the minions beneath me knowing that I held the correct answer. I was right. Until I discovered I was wrong.

It's not wrong to be right. In fact, it can be a very good thing as long as we're willing to be wrong. Are you confused yet, dear reader?

At times, in this walk - this journey we call Christianity - I have been so sure that I was right that I didn't even stop to consider that I could be wrong. I held so tightly to my justified anger or my sense of superiority that I was unable to hear the voice of the Lord whispering how wrong I was. Oh, at times I was even correct, but I wasn't right.

You see, it's really not all about wrong and right. It is really all about relationship. The destination is nice, but it's more about the journey. Our life with our Father is not so much about getting it all right, but more about loving Him enough to hear through all the noise.

I know, I know, it sounds like I'm rambling, and I am. You are completely welcome to close your browser or flip to someone else's blog to get a more coherent message because right now, all of this is tumbling from my fingertips faster than I can breathe.

I suppose that a better way to state it is that you can be correct and still be wrong. I have had more than one disagreement with friends or family where I knew that I was right. And I prayed, "Lord, show them how wrong they are." Sometimes He answered that prayer, but more often than not, He showed me how wrong I was.

The better approach, and one that I've learned the hard way is to pray, "Lord, I think I have the answer, but show me Your way." I believe that our heart should be to hear and not always to speak. Sometimes I need to slap a filter on this thing called a mouth and not just think before I speak but listen before I speak. Listen to hear His heart, His way, His plan.

Here is the sticking point for most of us. When we pray these prayers, most of the time, we want Him to say, "You're right. Well done, son or daughter, thank you for your righteous, holy, perfect perception." And in our fantasy that other person will bow his knee before us descrying his mistakes and begging for our magnanimity. PUHLEESE!!

I'm serious, people. I've been in situations where I was completely in the right. I have dealt with people who have treated me so wrongly that I was broken before my Father. And do you know what He said? "Forgive." One word - that's what I got. And do you know what? I needed that one word.

The Bible says in Isaiah 64:6 "We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags." Do you know what that phrase "filthy rags" means? I looked it up. It is referring to rags soiled as by a woman having her monthly cycle. Yeah, seriously, it does. Go ahead, check your Strong's Concordance. I'll wait.

That is what our righteousness looks like. Is that really what you want to hold onto? Is that what you want to carry around with you all day long? A bunch of nasty, stinky rags. I don't mean to be graphic, but think about what that would be like after a while. I wouldn't want to spend much time with someone carrying around that odiferous baggage.

So, it's time to decide this: What's more important - being correct or being right? What is more valuable - your "rights" or your relationship?

Paul puts it this way in Philippians 3:8-9. "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith."

When all else fails, be willing to change. Yes, I did just say that. Be available to be wrong, so He can take you beyond the point of righteous indignation to righteousness. His righteousness.

Oh, and I reserve the right to be wrong . . . often.

Blessings!

Read more!

Where Have I Been?

My poor little blog has been sorely lacking in attention in recent months. I would be really surprised if anyone out there who used to read this blog still stops by. It's really a good thing this blog isn't a house or we'd have gotten hundreds of warning letters from the home owners' association by now on the sad disrepair and unkempt look of it. Alright, I'm finished with the ridiculous analogies.

To answer the question: Where have I been? Well, right here. Okay, not "here" on my blog, but "here". I've been busy living life and rediscovering my passion for life and loving God.

I'm going to be a bit honest here, and I sincerely hope I don't hurt anyone's feelings. This is the story of my journey, and it isn't meant to reflect badly on anyone else. OK, now that the disclaimer is out of the way: here goes.

We spent years in a local assembly, and we loved most of it. However, we really struggled there over the past couple of years. There were a lot of things that went into that, and none of them really needs to be discussed here in detail. Suffice it to say that we didn't realize it at the time, but we were dying a slow spiritual death.

Now, I don't blame the pastor or the church for this. It is mostly my fault for succumbing to the whisperings of doubt and discouragement. I just got to the place that I was struggling, and I felt like there was no lifeline where we were. Maybe I should have screamed louder, but sometimes you get so entrenched in your own circumstances that you can no longer find your voice to yell for help. The feeling was something akin to the dream where you wake up trying to scream, but all that comes out is a whisper.

We stayed as long as we did because we were being obedient to the Lord. He told us to stay, so we did until He told us to leave. We still love all of the people at our old assembly, and we love the pastors who recently retired after many years of faithful service. But, we are very excited about where we are now. Is it perfect? HA! If it was, they would have to kick us out. But it is perfect for us because that is where Papa has placed us.

Our little angel loves her children's pastor and the volunteers who give her so much love and affection. For my husband and I, it was as if we had been suffocating and didn't even realize it until we were able to breathe fully and deeply of His presence. I feel stronger and more full of faith than I have ever been.

Let me give you an example. My husband still doesn't have a permanent job - he's still substitute teaching. Now, ask me if that worries me . . . go ahead, ask! Never mind, I'll just tell you - NO! In fact, he recently resigned from his second job, a part-time gig at Sears, because we both (separately) felt that was what the Lord wanted.

About four weeks ago our refrigerator went out, and we had to get a new one. Then two days ago my angelic daughter spilled a cup of coffee on my cell phone (which also serves as our home phone) effectively ending its life. Oh, and the air conditioner in our car is still on the fritz as we approach summer here is Southeast Texas.

A year ago the combination of those events would have sent me into a complete panic. I would have screamed, "Why, God, is this happening to us? Can't anything ever be easy? What did I do to deserve this?" Yes, I can be very melodramatic at times. This time though I greeted it with an, "OK, Papa, how are you going to handle this circumstance?"

At every turn our faith just seems to be building. We are once again singing His praises with abandon. I have a song in my heart that He has placed there.

I have to say that I credit a great part of our renewed joy and faith to where we are now worshiping. The pastor speaks words of faith and encouragement. He acknowledges the difficulties in this life but speaks to God's faithfulness and His power in us. It is just the recipe I needed, and it has allowed me to let go of the load I was carrying, which was breaking my will.

Here is the great part in all of this, and I find myself in disbelief even as I say this: Our circumstances have not changed, but He has changed us in the midst of our circumstances. This has been one of the hardest times in our life to walk through; however, I can say that I am seeing the fruit of it in our relationship with God.

I am reminded of the story where Peter stepped out of the boat to walk on water and promptly sank like a rock (see Matthew 14:23-33). He asked me to trust in Him, and I did until I saw the waves. Fortunately, He has taken my hand, shown me His great love and allowed me to learn to trust more fully in Him.

I am in no way naive enough to think I will never struggle again. I am, however, trusting enough to believe that He will remain steadfast in me even when I find myself wavering.

Blessings!

Read more!

I want to be a model

I want to be a model. No, not that kind of model. I'm barely 5'1", and I'm pretty sure I weigh more than most of those girls on the runways. OK, let's be honest, I'd be surprised if I don't beat all of them by at least 10 or 15 lbs. I want to be a different kind of model.

I have a 4 year old daughter who is very into the princesses and all that goes with them. She loves the dresses and the stories. I don't blame her. I did too at her age. Who am I kidding? I still love it. Recently, I was confronted by a different influence in my daughter's life - her older cousins.

My 14 year-old niece recently went to her 8th grade dance at school. Let me tell you, it's a lot different than it was for me at that age. I wore shorts to my 8th grade dance, and there wasn't a whole lot of dancing that I recall. We pretty much stood around and stared at one another. My niece, on the other hand, was dressed in a formal dress, had her hair done professionally and danced the night away.

Of course, this sparked my daughter's interest, and she immediately began talking of her 8th grade dance. It was hard to explain to her that we don't agree with all of that. Besides, we are homeschooling her, so her 8th grade dance would have a really small number of people in attendance.

In the eyes of many in society we are weird. We're weird, and we embrace our oddity as a family. We are homeschooling. We don't believe in dating - courtship is much more biblical in our opinion. We are holy rollers. The list goes on and on.

The point is: I want to be a model for my daughter. I want her to see the kind of life we live and have her improve upon it. Our kids are bombarded with images and ideas at school, in the media, and even in our extended families that don't line up with our principles and beliefs.

So, we made up our minds when my daughter was born that we were okay with being "weird," "different" or however you want to describe us. We are going to live our lives seeking to do God's will and hearing His voice over and above all the noise.

I suppose that what it all boils down to is that we need God to be the primary influence in our kids' lives. That mostly happens through our influence as parents and through the influences we allow in their little worlds. It is my job as a parent to shield her from negative influences when I can, explain God's way when I can't shield her and pray always!

I want to be a model. So, I'm not going to have head shots done, lose 20 pounds (although 10 would be nice) or start trying on couture clothing. I am going to drown out all the noise with His words and influence so when I stand before Him, I won't have to worry about singe marks from all the wood, hay and straw that is burned (I Corinthians 3:12-15).

Blessings!

Read more!

It's Just the Little Things

Sometimes it's the little things in life that make our days bearable. Sometimes it's the little things in life that turn a day from ordinary into extraordinary. Sometimes it's the little things in life that make you so thankful that you were granted another day to enjoy.

I've been appreciating those little things more recently. Things like my daughter's hugs, my cozy home, and my church family have just grown in importance these past few weeks. I can't put my finger on what has made me more aware of these daily joys, but I'm so thankful for my newly opened eyes.

It really makes me think about the lyrics of an old song:

Accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mr. In-Between

You know, there are times in each of our lives - at least, there have been many in mine - where we have the option of seeing the glass half empty or half full. I tend to be an optimist and see the half full side more often than not. However, it's a choice that at times needs to be more deliberately made. Of late, that has been very true in my own life.

Occasionally, we need to take a step back from our circumstances and ask Papa if He will give us a glimpse of the silver lining surrounding that dark cloud we have been travelling beneath. I'm not saying that it is an easy thing to do. On the contrary, many times it is the most difficult approach to attempt. To quote a former coworker of mine, "The kicker is this . . . " It works.

If you have been shown your sin, have accepted our Savior's sacrifice and have new life as a result, then you, like me, always have something to rejoice in. Psalm 32:10-11 says it better than I can: ¹⁰ Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord. ¹¹ Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

So, I encourage you today to "accentuate the positive", "rejoice", and maybe even throw in a "shout for joy" just for good measure!

Blessings!

Read more!

Happy Birthday

Today is a day of great joy and celebration in our house. It is the 4th anniversary of the day that an angel came into our lives. My darling husband and I spent years praying, hoping, dreaming and pleading with God before we became parents. Since our miracle arrived, the joy we have shared has far and away eclipsed the pain and struggle of the waiting.

Our daughter Avari was born exactly 4 years ago to the moment that I am writing this entry. She has brought nothing but joy to all those she encounters. She is a precocious bundle of energy and inquisitiveness as evidenced just this morning.

My clever girl decided that she wasn't going to turn 4 years old today - she would remain 3 years old for another year. When prodded and questioned, she revealed that she did not want to get any older because the result might be that "you couldn't pick me up anymore if I get older and bigger, Mama." She can turn your frustration or sorrow into joy in the blink of an eye.

Yes, I know I am her mother, but we are stopped in the store every time (and I do mean every time) we go in by some stranger or other who feels compelled to stop and bask in our little sunshine. She has turned the grumpiest cashiers into best friends - as recently as last week, and makes friends everywhere she goes (which has prompted more than one "just because you know their name doesn't mean you are friends" speech).

There is just something very special about our little girl. It's alright if you choose to disagree with me. I know the truth.

So, I would like to celebrate this 20th day of December 2009 by saying - Happy Birthday, Avari! May our Father continue to mold you into the amazing little girl you are becoming with each passing day.

We love you!!

Read more!