It's Only Money . . .Right?

I'm just going to be real with you today. I'm always real, but sometimes we avoid being real when things get us down. Instead we paste a smile on and pretend to feel okay so no one else has to feel uncomfortable in our presence. Well, I'm no good at that. So, like I said I'm just going to be real.

My husband has been out of work for nearly 5 months now. He is substitute teaching when he can get an assignment, but those don't come every day. We've been without insurance for all that time. Fortunately, we are all healthy so it hasn't really presented a major problem until now.

I called to schedule my daughter's 3 year check-up and my annual visit. I deigned to ask what the cost would be for the privilege of seeing these physicians. Turns out, going to the doctor could really cost you an arm and a leg. I guess if you're going to lose an arm or leg, the doctor's office is the best place to be.

Seriously, my daughter's check-up is going to run us $140. They'll weigh and measure her. The doctor will come in for maybe 5 minutes to listen to her heart and lungs. They'll pronounce her perfectly healthy and take my grocery money for the next two weeks.

That isn't even the worst part. My doctor is going to cost twice that amount. I guess that's because he has to spend 10 minutes in the room with me as opposed to the 5 minutes Avari's doctor takes. Oh, and that doesn't include the blood work. That will most likely be another $200 or so. All in all, I'll be spending over $600 on doctor's visits, and we aren't even sick!!!

So, where does that leave me? Trusting God in a huge way. You see, we've already drawn out my retirement fund. We have some money left in our IRAs, but there's nowhere near enough. My husband is doing his best to find a job, but he's having no luck. I'll be honest with you, I'm freaking out here!

I know my Father supplies my needs, but that provision isn't evident in my life right now. Does that mean he isn't supplying? No. It means I can't see it with my eyes. I guess that's what you call faith, right? However, it isn't easy when you have to tell your kid no every time she asks you for something. Frankly, I'm sick of hearing myself say, "maybe when Daddy gets a permanent job" or "Mama's sorry, but we just don't have the money for that right now." And these aren't big requests, they are really small things. It's hard.

Please don't misunderstand me. We are extremely blessed. There are so many others out there who are worse off than we are. But, I have to say that I have come to the conclusion that the only people who say "It's only money" are the ones who have it.

So, I wait. I wait for Dan to get a job. I wait for Papa's provision. And I pray. I pray for His strength. I pray for His peace. And I pray for His grace to see us through as I know He will.

Blessings!