Going Backwards to Move Forward

I have to tell you that since our trip last week I've been doing a lot of pondering on what comes next for us. I've been asked that question a lot by our friends and family - What's next? It is a valid question, but when you don't have a clue as to the answer it can also be a painful one.

I've felt a bit like the tree in this picture - stripped bare. I do not mean that as a negative. Rather, it has caused me to stop and back up just a bit to take stock of things.

Sometimes in life, the only way to move forward is to go backwards first - a bit like a course correction. We had lunch with some good friends the other day, and they shared a similar experience of a time when they misheard God's voice. Their advice was to back up to the last time we were sure about where we were with God and go from there.

Knowing good counsel when we heard it, that is exactly what we have been doing. And you know, Papa has been speaking. It's funny. He's telling us the same thing He spoke to me when we were in Louisiana - live where I have placed you. That seems simple enough, but oftentimes, we are looking for the next thing. That's what we were doing. Our intentions were pure, but we still weren't walking where He placed us.

I certainly am not claiming to have all the answers for myself or anyone else at this point. I do know that we are doing our best to hear Him and follow His voice.

Something else that I realized is that there was no chastisement after all this. Oh, I chastised myself. I'm really good at that. But, my Father never spoke a harsh word to me. There has only been grace and love from Him. I suppose it goes to show how different my character is from His. Hopefully, I am growing closer with each victory and every misstep.

The key is perseverance, I suppose. What does Philippians 3:8-14 tell us? Paul says, and I echo his words:

⁸Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ ⁹and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith - ¹⁰that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death ¹¹that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. ¹²Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

And so, like Paul, I will forget what lies behind because I could live in regret and wonder - pondering my mistakes. That would only serve to weaken my relationship with Papa. It would be as if I was saying that He is too small to take me from this place of disappointment and bring me back to a place of joy.

I refuse to concede! My Father's strength moves mountains, and He will uphold me by the strength of His right hand. I love 2 Corinthians 12:9 in the New King James Version. It says:

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

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So Right, You're Wrong

Have you ever been so sure about something that you would have bet on it at the track? It was just one of those things where all you had to do was cross the T's and dot the I's. The details were mere formalities, and you were just going to sail on into the next chapter of life. Then it all came undone. That's what happened to me.

Well, I should mention that I've been struggling a little with some doubts recently. I suppose that should have been my first clue. However, I chalked them up to nervousness about a new adventure and kept on plugging away. Then we went to St. Bernard Parish last week.

We no more got into town and met the pastor, who is a terrific person, by the way, and I knew it just wasn't right. He and his family had us to dinner. He showed us around the area, which was amazing. The most touching thing we saw was the memorial to those who died in St. Bernard Parish during Katrina.

This is a photo of that memorial. The building in the distance is an old fort that was being built prior to the Battle of New Orleans. It was never finished. It was a beautiful intersection of the area's struggles from the past and trials of the present.

Even in the midst of feeling incredible empathy for the residents of that area and all they are going through to rebuild (and there is still much to be done), I also knew that our intended move was not to be. In some ways I was a little relieved, but in others, I was sorely disappointed.

As we left to come home, Dan and I were confused, frustrated, disappointed. The adjectives could go on and on. It is hard to know that first you will have to try to explain to friends and loved ones what changed in the course of 24 hours. Did God change His mind, did we miss Him, what happened?

I learned a valuable lesson from all this though. If nothing else, I am learning to walk in humility. My pride would have said that you follow through rather than lose face and admit defeat. My determined nature would have had me move because we had something to offer even if it wasn't right. However, I think that being able to admit when you are wrong is more important than always being right. That, for the simple reason that no one is always right.

So, we are continuing to pray about what God has for us. In the spirit of honesty, I am still baffled by all of this. I struggle because I feel in some ways that I am running fast and getting nowhere. I expect though that when Papa's will is made plain that all of this will be just another step in the journey taking us there.

And so I lean again on one of my favorite sections of scripture, Proverbs 3:5-6. I will trust, and I will try to look beyond my understanding to take hold of His will for me and my family.

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