Scared . . . Did Someone Say Scared?

Oh, I've read all the scriptures. I've sang all the songs, but there is just something that happens when the rubber meets the road. It is a different kind of phenomena altogether when you are waiting to see what Papa's plan holds for you. Suddenly, you wish there was some unknown scripture that you had not underlined, highlighted, memorized and pasted to your forehead for good measure. You scour the Bible hoping to read something between the lines to give you a hint at what is supposed to follow this great leap. You're free falling and hoping the next sound you hear isn't the splat of your body hitting the ground.

So, did I make things sound desperate enough? I'm just being real about where I'm living right now. We got Dan's last check this week. We haven't even deposited it in the bank, and most of it is gone. There's enough money to maybe pay the rest of this month's bills, and then? Well, then is the question indeed. I'm hoping for a windfall, praying for a miracle and knocking on God's door incessantly.

This thing is completely out of my hands now, and I'm not totally thrilled with how I feel about that. It strikes me that a note of panic is resounding in the back of my mind, which has resulted in a pounding in my head. My heart seems to be racing a little faster than usual, and that is making me sweat (Maybe I should say perspire - aren't women supposed to perspire or perhaps it was glisten - you get the picture). In any case, I am suffering from peaceful panic, I suppose.

Oh, I still have that overlying peace, but my humanness is fighting it every step of the way. My brain keeps telling my heart that it's lost its mind. Talk about conflicting feelings. All the while, my daughter is sticking a 2/$5 sticker on me, which just reminds me that I pretty much can't afford 2 of anything for $5 anymore.

OK, I'm calming down now. Wait, no, the questions are rushing in like a raging river. It's not just the questions from other people. No, they don't ask nearly as many questions as I posit to myself. Where will we live? How will we live? Is my baby who despises change of any kind going to completely flip out when we take her from her only home and transplant her to new surroundings, new people, a completely foreign life? Are we going to be able to sell our house? Should we sell our house? Are the credit card companies going to get the opportunity to hunt me down and take away my favorite T-shirt because I can't pay them anymore?

Well, the last one may be a little far-fetched. My favorite T-shirt isn't worth much, so it's probably safe. The point is that my head is full of questions, and I haven't an answer to one of them right now. Fortunately, my heart has now responded to my brain's accusations with the clarification that my brain hasn't managed to do so much on its own thus far. So, my heart is reminding my brain that Papa has everything under control.

My pulse is slowing. My headache is dulling. I think I'm going to make it. Boy, this experience makes a lobotomy sound like a promising proposition. I suppose I'll have to do what I'm sure Moses, Abraham, David, Daniel and my other biblical predecessors did . . . Remind myself that Father keeps His promises, and I just need to be patient until I can see the answer that is already on its way.

After all, "my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." At least that's what Paul tells the Philippians in Philippians 4:19. I'm sure glad He doesn't supply our needs according to our riches, or I'd be in really big trouble! Oh, come on - you know you smiled at that one!

Blessings!

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New Orleans, Here We Come!

Well, I have hinted at the fact that there have been big changes brewing in our life as of late. I have been skirting the details for two reasons -

1. I envisioned telling each of our friends individually so there would be no injuries as people fainted and

2. I don't have many details in the first place.

I quickly realized that there is no way I can call and tell everyone one on one. I'll call as I can, but there's just a lot going on right now. So, here's the skinny on what's up with us.

If you read the title of this post, you've probably already made the connection between my innuendos of late and this post. If not, I'll go ahead and spell it out for you. Papa has asked us to move to the New Orleans area to help with the recovery efforts. "How?," you may ask. That's a good question, and I'll be glad to let you know as soon as Papa tells me. "When," is probably the next question on your lips. Again, fantastic question. Let me get back to you on that one. "For how long?," may be another issue you're pondering. Once more, excellent query; my answer is I don't know.

At this point, you pretty much know what I know, which is that Papa has asked us to move 6 hours away to an area that has endured horrible devastation and may endure more before the next couple of days are over. I have listened to more mocking comments today than I care repeat here about why people would rebuild that area. I wondered that too until I took more than 5 seconds to think about it. Let me take a few minutes to clarify at least my thoughts on the matter.

First, who says they are safer somewhere else? Think about it, every area of the country is prone to one type of natural phenomena or another - California has earthquakes, the coastal areas have hurricanes, some of the other gifts of Mother Nature are snowstorms, tornadoes, hailstorms, flooding, mudslides, drought, etc. The list could go on and on. I don't hear myriads of questions about why people continue to live in other areas subject to those types of disasters. Personally, I believe if you try to run away from one natural disaster, you'll probably find yourself dealing with another one of a different type. The truth is that you cannot escape the effects that nature - be it hurricane or otherwise - inflicts upon our lives. Besides, I always figured that at least with a hurricane you have a little warning so you can skedaddle before it hits if you need to.

Second, that is their home. If a hurricane hit here and destroyed Baytown, Houston, Galveston, etc, I can pretty much guarantee that people would rebuild. Why? Because this is their home. Should improvements be made to help protect against future disasters? Certainly!

Third, let me just say that St. Bernard Parish (where Dan went on the mission trip and where we feel called) is where Katrina did the most damage. The rebuilding is mostly being done by individuals, church groups, etc. The government is not down there pouring money into rebuilding all these homes. More importantly, many people need someone to pour themselves into rebuilding lives, not just infrastructure.

That is where we come in. Oh, I don't know how much of an impact we will make, but we are certainly going to give it our all. I fully expect that we will see people's lives impacted; some of those lives will be our own. I know it will be hard, and I do not relish the thought of leaving our family (both the spiritual and biological), especially with gas prices so high. However, I know that my Father goes with me wherever we go.

Right now Papa is only giving us one piece of the puzzle at a time. We will keep everyone updated as we move forward. Please be praying that we will make wise decisions as God directs us. Pray that He will open the financial doors that will have to be opened in order for us to go. Please agree with us in seeking His favor and guidance in every step of this adventure.

Well, that about sums it up. Now, you know all that I know (or at least what I think I know). I find myself full of excitement but with a bit of trepidation as we begin this next phase. It will mean trusting Papa as we never have before, which is a little harrowing. However, it will mean trusting Papa as we never have before, which is completely amazing and exhilarating. I look forward to sharing this tremendous adventure with you!

Blessings!

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