Mutual Admiration Society

I've been on both sides of the table for this one, so I thought I'd bring a little perspective to the pot luck. First, let me get some housekeeping out of the way, and no, I'm not talking about the pile of laundry that is sitting on my bed waiting to be folded. I'd like to start by making a statement that may seem foreign to some - we are all ministers. We may not all be partaking in a monetary reward for our ministry. Nevertheless, we are all ministers. With that out of the way we can proceed.


In my time in ministry I've been part of 2 small churches and one mid-size church. To maintain the safety of this blogger I will not point fingers or identify to which of these churches I am referring when I make certain statements. That way, everyone who has/does attend church with me can tell themselves that all of the good comments refer to their church.

Now, I've never been a member of a mega-church, so I cannot speak for them. However, I can say that in all the churches I've ministered there are never enough volunteers. I've never known a pastor to turn down a legitimate offer to teach Sunday school, clean a bathroom, or watch the nursery. I'm sure most churches could use a few good men and women to usher, greet or clean up after functions. The thing I have noticed is this: even more than the need for volunteers, there seems to be a real and ever-present need for appreciation.

Appreciation: gratitude, recognition. The simple act of saying thank you for a job well done can go a long way. IMHO, it does not take fancy dinners, expensive gifts or any monetary reward to show appreciation. It is free, which is why it seems such a shame that it is in such short supply. Studies show that people will work harder for less money if they feel rewarded for their efforts in other ways. Everyone needs a little nod of recognition and an "atta boy (or girl)" once in a while.

I'll talk to the pastors first for the simple fact that their example sets the stage for the way the rest of the church responds. Pastors, I know you have your plates full - sermons, visitation, board meetings, etc, etc, ad infinitum. However, I would like to offer a few words of gentle advice: please appreciate your volunteers. This team of people who commute an hour or more each way to work, work all day long, rush home to feed their families, go to soccer practice and still make time to head up the church spaghetti dinner or car wash deserve your gratitude. If you are finding that you are short of volunteers, try acknowledging the ones you do have. Notice the faithful Sunday school teacher that has been teaching the class so long that she is now instructing the second or third generation of your church. Thank the person who drives the church bus/van to pick up all of the people who would never make it to service otherwise. Your job without them would be impossible. They require very little in return for their hard work - a simple thank you will suffice.

Now, let's serve the second course of this appreciation dinner. Volunteers, sometimes we start feeling neglected or underappreciated. We start to be grumblers and complainers, and the less appreciated we feel, the louder our grumbling becomes. My advice to you is to give what you so desire. If you are pining for a thank you, starving for a pat on the back, or craving a little recognition, then give some of the same to your leadership. It may just cause a chain reaction. You know, pastors are people too. My favorite phrase that volunteers sometimes use is: "well, that's why they pay the pastor." Let me just say this, in most cases the pastor is not getting paid enough to do whatever it is you want him to do. As a whole, our pastors are not recognized nearly enough for all they do. So many times we just think they sit in their offices working up next Sunday's sermon. We forget to consider that they have a whole host of responsibilities that we should thank God we don't have to perform. We think about all the things we have to do in a day, but sometimes we should take a moment to consider that pastors have PTA meetings, ballet recitals and oil changes too. Come on, show them a little love. I can tell you from experience that a little love for a pastor goes a long way.

Let me share just a minute about one of the most wonderful churches I've ever had the pleasure of attending. It was the first church that allowed me to take part in its ministry. It was a small church, and there was such a camaraderie there. Please do not misunderstand me. It was not perfect; if it had been, I couldn't have attended. However, the man who taught me a great deal about how to minister also taught me a great deal about how to be appreciative. I'm going to break the rule I instated earlier because I cannot fail to mention this man's name, Michael Coday. He was the youth pastor, and my husband and I were his volunteer youth workers. Mike recruited us from the local Bible college, and we drove 45 minutes each way to be a part of his wonderful ministry. Mike taught me the valuable lesson I am encouraging you to learn: no matter what you do in life, family, ministry - take a little time to appreciate the ones that are a part of it.

For good measure, I'll be the first member of this Mutual Admiration Society. To all my pastors, both past and present, thank you. Thank you so much for all your love, support, prayer and generosity of time and spirit. To all my fellow volunteers - thank you. Thank you for teaching my child in Sunday school, leading me in worship, and the myriad of other things you do.

I have been paid as a part-time minister if you can call the small stipend we received pay. I have spent the majority of my time in ministry as an unpaid volunteer. I can tell you that on whatever side of the table you sit - pastor or volunteer - you can always afford to show a little appreciation. The cost is minimal, but the return is incalculable. I hope you'll consider obtaining membership in my little club. There is only one requirement - go forth and tell someone just how much you appreciate them!

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I Aim To Please

I'm giving you the choice. I'm putting the power in your hands. Whether or not you vote in November is your choice, but I need your vote now.

A friend of mine recommended that I change the look of the blog for readability purposes. His suggestion was that this format (black text on white background) is easier to read than my previous format (white text on black background). You sound off and tell me what you prefer. Vote early - vote often. Let your voice be heard.

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Share the Love

Betcha thought this would be an in depth study on love, huh? No, I just wanted to draw your attention to a little addition to the blog. At the end of each post you will notice a little icon called "ShareThis". I just added this feature last night. I thought if you saw something you liked it would make it easier to share it (especially for those who are somewhat technology-challenged). Just click the icon, and you can bookmark my blog, post a link to a site, or e-mail it to a friend.

So, like I said, share the love!!

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I'm Coming Out

We Americans are fascinated by labels. Actually, I don't know that the word fascinated describes it accurately. It really borders on obsession sometimes. Walk down the aisle in a grocery store, and you will almost certainly pass some poor, harried mother of 2 reading the label on the SpaghettiOs to make sure it doesn't have any trans-fat in it. Of course, IMHO, if you're going with SpaghettiOs, you may as well ignore the label and finish your shopping.

We categorize and label everything - our foods, our music, our medicines, our movies and TV shows. Labels can be a wonderful tool in helping us make more informed decisions. They boil things down to their basic ingredients, tell us the important things we need to know at a glance. Labels serve a purpose for things like food and medicine, media and entertainment. So, what's my point, right?

My point is this: why do we label each other? Can a person be boiled down to a simple label? Can one word or sentence describe the personality and being of an individual? Even those fancy personality tests take your answers to a few dozen questions (or maybe a few hundred, depending on the test) and slot you into one of a few categories. They label you.

We unconsciously label ourselves and others every day. How do you describe yourself? I'm a mother, or I'm a brain surgeon. Maybe you say, I'm middle-aged, I'm a teenager, I'm single or I'm married. We box ourselves in based on our age, our occupation, our marital status or some other facet of who we are. Even in the church we label each other - the worship leader, the pastor, the Sunday school teacher. We place each other in boxes. Then we decide what everyone is capable of being or doing based on the box they fit into. I don't know about you, but I don't fit in just one box.

Well, I'm here to tell you today that I'm coming out. I'm no longer going to allow myself to be put into someone else's box. I'm even going to come out of the box of my own making. And, what's more, I'm going to let God out of the box I've made for Him - oh, come on, you know the box I'm talking about, the faith box, the one that says just how far you'll go to do His will or just how far you think He'll go for you. You've said it, I know you have - OK, God, I'll give this $20 to missions, but I'm not going myself. Or, I know God can do it, I just don't know if He'll do it for me.

Stop it. Just stop it already. God has more for you - so much more, but you refuse to see it. You've got Him locked in a box because you are comfortable where you are, or you're afraid He won't do things according to your specifications. Whatever it is that's holding you back. Whatever your box is - come out of it! Maybe you think you're too old or too young, not good enough or too good. Sometimes we just get so hung up in our own stuff - family, work, etc. Quit labeling yourself and climb out of that box. It may seem spacious enough in there, but imagine the wide open spaces you can enjoy if you'll step out of that comfort zone.

Look, I'm not saying God is going to send you to Africa or the wilds of the Amazon. I'm not even saying you'll have to give up your favorite pew at church. What I am saying is that you should be willing. Be willing to go to Africa or next door. Be willing to give up your favorite pew in favor of sitting next to the lonely widow who just lost her husband. I have heard it said before, and I find it more true every day: if your dream is big enough for you to accomplish alone, then it is not God's dream for you. Let's throw away the boxes and labels and dream a bigger dream.

Prepare to be amazed at what God will do!

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Shout Out!

OK, I thought I would give a shout out to the man who inspired me to do this blog, my husband. You should check his writing out here. If you like my stuff, you'll love his!

Later.

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The Forgiveness Challenge

Let's face it - forgiveness is a challenge. No matter who you are or where you come from it is more than difficult to forgive someone when they have blatantly wronged you in some way. Most of us have certain triggers - we can forgive some things more easily than others. Some of us get angry, and stay angry, when we get cut off in traffic. Maybe it just eats you up when someone slips their overflowing grocery cart in front of you at the store (and of course you are already running late because of the guy that cut you off in traffic earlier).

I won't even begin to address the anger factor right now (we'll revisit that later). For now, I want to talk about the forgiveness challenge. Why is it so hard to forgive? What makes us hold on to that anger, the resentment, and the bitterness? We usually claim that we have a right to be angry and unforgiving. There's just one little problem with that logic. We can either hold on to our right to anger and forfeit the many good things God has for us, or we can relinquish our rights and embrace the grace that provided our forgiveness from sin.

Now, I bet I can guess what you are thinking - who gave you permission to lecture me on forgiveness? You have no idea what so-and-so did to me. You would be beyond correct. I have no way of knowing who wronged you, what the wrong was, and how many times that wrong has been revisited upon you. Instead, I'll tell you about my encounter with the forgiveness challenge.

When I was 10 years old, my mother disappeared. She left for a weekend getaway and never came home. Now, I won't go into all the particulars, but suffice it to say that her remains were discovered in a rice field nearly a year later. The autopsy showed that she had been stabbed repeatedly. Now, I was faced with a forgiveness challenge that I did not readily accept. I was angry at the person who stole my mother's life. I was infuriated that this person somehow decided that my mother's life was worth less than his and took it upon himself to kill her. I cannot even put into words the seething animosity, the hatred, the bitterness I harbored. I can imagine that many of you agree with my anger and would argue that I had every right to all of those feelings.

I'll tell you how God saw my refusal to forgive. He saw it as rebellion. How could I who had been forgiven by the blood of Christ refuse to forgive someone else? We humans love to quantify our sin. We only tell little white lies. We only cheat on our taxes a little bit. My sin isn't as bad as his sin. I'm a straight shooter, so I'm going to tell it the way it is: sin is sin. The end, period, exclamation point. God does not weigh sin. The Bible tells us in Matthew 5 that a man who holds hatred in his heart is subject to the same judgment as the man who commits murder. In I John 3 we are told that anyone who hates his brother is a murderer. That tells me that my sin in God's eyes is the same as the sin of that man who took my mother's life.

I'm not going to lie to you. It was not easy to forgive, and I haven't mastered the art of it yet. I thought I was going to confront God about why He allowed my mother to die. Instead He confronted me about why I hadn't forgiven the man who took her life. He showed me the depth of my sinful nature, He reminded me about who I would be had he not forgiven me, and He challenged me to forgive. It broke me, but I have never been so free as the moment that I prayed for that man's salvation. At that moment, I gained the realization that without salvation this man's sin had stolen far more from him than he could ever take from me. I can write this now and honestly say that I hope with all my heart that he finds Christ before his judgment day. I hope someone can reach out to him and share the love of God. I pray that if it is possible, I could be that person. Why? Because I know the power of forgiveness.

We rely so much on the forgiveness of others when we have wronged them. Let us simply follow the golden rule and "do unto others as we would have them do unto us." It frees them. It frees us. If you think that there is someone in your life that has sinned against you one too many times, remember this. In Matthew 18 Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother who has sinned against him - seven times? Jesus replies - not just seven times but seventy times seven. The point is that you can't keep track of that many wrongs, and you shouldn't even try. You should forgive as you have been forgiven.

I would live in terror if I thought that the Lord was keeping a tally sheet of all my past sins, and when I hit that magic number, He cuts off the fountain of grace and mercy. If you let go of your right to hate and be angry, you will discover a new level of peace and joy.

Live in freedom, Live in forgiveness.

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