The Disappointment Death Knell

I had an experience recently that really left me befuddled. I had to disappoint a friend. I had a very good reason to do it - Papa would not let me pursue the endeavor in which my friend had asked my assistance. I know it seemed nonsensical to her because the ministry opportunity seemed like a perfect fit for me. However, I prayed about the project for 3 weeks, and Father would not give me permission.

How do you go about explaining to someone that yes, you feel called to lead worship, and yes, this seems like a tremendously perfect opportunity, but no, Father will not let you do it? It seems ridiculous, and when I heard myself trying to explain it, I'm sure I sounded insane.

Part of me just wanted to lead worship to avoid disappointing a friend, but the bigger part of me wants to be obedient and not walk the long way around that mountain again. I had previously turned down a paid opportunity to lead worship for the same reason - Papa said no. This one was harder though. This affected someone I care about on a very personal level.

The complicating factor in this situation is that my friendship with this person is relatively new. She is not necessarily privy to all of my past forays into bungling up God's will. I am praying that Papa will give her understanding, and I am also hoping to have an opportunity to share a little of my history to provide some context for my decision.

I suppose it all comes down to the fact that early in my ministry I was taught that if you do not hear a "no" from Papa, it must be alright to pursue that area of ministry. However, since then, I have walked enough miles on this journey to have learned that if I do not hear a "yes" then it means "no" until further notice. It means I cannot be a lazy listener any more and get the answers that fit my agenda. I have to listen attentively and intently so I can tune in to what He wants whether it meets my requirements or not.

Ultimately, I realize that I would have been robbing myself by saying yes to this ministry, but more importantly, I would have stolen the blessing from the person who is meant to undertake this responsibility and the people to whom he/she will be ministering. I also know that Papa is taking me through a difficult time of dying to my expectations and desires so I can more fully embrace His. And, no matter how much I care about someone, my Father has the final word on every subject.

This was His final word to me on this subject, and I will share it with you. Ephesians 5:15-17 says this:

¹⁵Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. ¹⁷Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

I know that Papa had me say no for a reason, and neither my friend nor I may understand completely at this point. However, I will continue to be obedient because that is being wise instead of unwise. I will try not to be foolish, and I will seek to know Papa's will for me in any given circumstance because that is how I can make best use of my time. And I know that when Father allows me to step out, that adventure will more than make up for any that I feel I have missed.