The Forgiveness Challenge

Let's face it - forgiveness is a challenge. No matter who you are or where you come from it is more than difficult to forgive someone when they have blatantly wronged you in some way. Most of us have certain triggers - we can forgive some things more easily than others. Some of us get angry, and stay angry, when we get cut off in traffic. Maybe it just eats you up when someone slips their overflowing grocery cart in front of you at the store (and of course you are already running late because of the guy that cut you off in traffic earlier).

I won't even begin to address the anger factor right now (we'll revisit that later). For now, I want to talk about the forgiveness challenge. Why is it so hard to forgive? What makes us hold on to that anger, the resentment, and the bitterness? We usually claim that we have a right to be angry and unforgiving. There's just one little problem with that logic. We can either hold on to our right to anger and forfeit the many good things God has for us, or we can relinquish our rights and embrace the grace that provided our forgiveness from sin.

Now, I bet I can guess what you are thinking - who gave you permission to lecture me on forgiveness? You have no idea what so-and-so did to me. You would be beyond correct. I have no way of knowing who wronged you, what the wrong was, and how many times that wrong has been revisited upon you. Instead, I'll tell you about my encounter with the forgiveness challenge.

When I was 10 years old, my mother disappeared. She left for a weekend getaway and never came home. Now, I won't go into all the particulars, but suffice it to say that her remains were discovered in a rice field nearly a year later. The autopsy showed that she had been stabbed repeatedly. Now, I was faced with a forgiveness challenge that I did not readily accept. I was angry at the person who stole my mother's life. I was infuriated that this person somehow decided that my mother's life was worth less than his and took it upon himself to kill her. I cannot even put into words the seething animosity, the hatred, the bitterness I harbored. I can imagine that many of you agree with my anger and would argue that I had every right to all of those feelings.

I'll tell you how God saw my refusal to forgive. He saw it as rebellion. How could I who had been forgiven by the blood of Christ refuse to forgive someone else? We humans love to quantify our sin. We only tell little white lies. We only cheat on our taxes a little bit. My sin isn't as bad as his sin. I'm a straight shooter, so I'm going to tell it the way it is: sin is sin. The end, period, exclamation point. God does not weigh sin. The Bible tells us in Matthew 5 that a man who holds hatred in his heart is subject to the same judgment as the man who commits murder. In I John 3 we are told that anyone who hates his brother is a murderer. That tells me that my sin in God's eyes is the same as the sin of that man who took my mother's life.

I'm not going to lie to you. It was not easy to forgive, and I haven't mastered the art of it yet. I thought I was going to confront God about why He allowed my mother to die. Instead He confronted me about why I hadn't forgiven the man who took her life. He showed me the depth of my sinful nature, He reminded me about who I would be had he not forgiven me, and He challenged me to forgive. It broke me, but I have never been so free as the moment that I prayed for that man's salvation. At that moment, I gained the realization that without salvation this man's sin had stolen far more from him than he could ever take from me. I can write this now and honestly say that I hope with all my heart that he finds Christ before his judgment day. I hope someone can reach out to him and share the love of God. I pray that if it is possible, I could be that person. Why? Because I know the power of forgiveness.

We rely so much on the forgiveness of others when we have wronged them. Let us simply follow the golden rule and "do unto others as we would have them do unto us." It frees them. It frees us. If you think that there is someone in your life that has sinned against you one too many times, remember this. In Matthew 18 Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother who has sinned against him - seven times? Jesus replies - not just seven times but seventy times seven. The point is that you can't keep track of that many wrongs, and you shouldn't even try. You should forgive as you have been forgiven.

I would live in terror if I thought that the Lord was keeping a tally sheet of all my past sins, and when I hit that magic number, He cuts off the fountain of grace and mercy. If you let go of your right to hate and be angry, you will discover a new level of peace and joy.

Live in freedom, Live in forgiveness.