A Childish Attitude

I thought seriously about not posting today. It's been a rough couple of days in the Partin house. Yesterday morning a happy-go-lucky trip to visit my parents turned worrisome in a matter of minutes. We were 5 minutes into our casual visit when Avari broke out in hives. Now, let me begin by saying that I had no idea what the huge, red welts were that were quickly spreading all over my beautiful girl. I assumed it was some sort of allergic reaction.

Of course, as I rushed home to put her in the bathtub (I mistakenly thought we would wash off the offending allergen), I wracked my brain to think of what we had done differently than usual. I came to the earth-shattering conclusion that we had done absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. While Avari was playing, I quickly consulted my favorite website to find out what I should do next. That is when I discovered that she had hives and anything from a change in temperature to a virus could be causing them.

Since they seemed to be fading, I worried less about the hives, and we went about our day. Then lo and behold, when I picked up my husband from work a few hours later, the hives returned with brute force. In a matter of minutes her eyes were swollen and her upper lip was drooping over her bottom lip. Needless to say, my worries returned with reinforcements.

Now, yesterday was the last day of my husband's teaching career. He is going to try to get his investment business off the ground and write full-time. One of my nagging fears is that something horrible will happen and we won't have insurance. And as I watched my beautiful, little baby's face balloon, the devil started whispering all those old, familiar doubts in my ears.

After various phone calls with nurses and such, we gave Avari some Benadryl and settled in for the night. The experts did not seem concerned, so we became less so. We prayed, just as I had been doing all day. I went to bed hoping to wake to a completely normal little girl. Alas, I rose to find a splotchy, swollen, feverish girl. We quickly took her to see the pediatrician where we found out that she has strep throat. If you are anything like me, at this point you are wondering why she has hives with strep. Well, the answer is that she is allergic to the strep bacteria that is causing her fever, which has resulted in huge splotchy hives.

Now, I am sure you are asking why you need to know any of this. Really, you probably don't, but when I'm tired, I tend to ramble. Stick with me though; I'm coming to the point.

Through all of the hives, fever, etc., Avari has been a trooper. She has carried on as if her lip wasn't swollen to three times its normal size and she didn't have itchy patches all over her body. She never missed a beat.

She reacted the way I wish I would have - with complete security in the fact that we, her parents, would care for her. I, on the other hand, for a brief moment, panicked. Millions of horrible scenarios tracked through my mind. I wish I had trusted in my heavenly Father like Avari trusted in me.

I suppose I said all that to say this: I doubted, and I shouldn't have. I felt a bit ashamed as I am sure Peter did in Matthew 16:30-31. Peter had stepped out of the boat and was walking on water, "but when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, 'Lord, save me.' Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?'"

I know that I want to react differently next time. I want to have the childish attitude that Avari had. The attitude that says, "I know everything will be alright because my Abba Father will take care of everything. " It is reassuring to know that if we do feel ourselves sinking into those old, familiar doubts again, Jesus, just as he did with Peter, will reach out His hand and take hold of us to bring us safely to Him!